Sometimes if I look to my past, I wanna laugh out loud, cause a lot of expressions came to my face, a lot of experiments of life came to my body and a lot of something that I tought it didn't happen, finally it happened, like MasyaAllah. Problems, sometimes came without permission, if that problems wanna come, they come.

I just wanna say, thank you very much Ica. U did well so far.

In your 25, a lot of feelings that happen to u, I believe you'll survive (amen), cause you learn a lot from your life. If in your childhood, you sad, u cried, u mad, u dissapointed about family & friends, now u can actually feeling so w/ ur bossess. But, u can't actually always feeling bad because a lot of happy life come to ur life too.

If in my past a lot of struggle came from my family and my friends, now still struggle but w/ my bossess (boomer & Y generations), w/ my friends at my work sometimes (Y generation), that hurts me a lot.

That struggles came to ur life to teach u something, I guess, but sometimes it's true though I didn't wanna accept.

How u can manage your feeling, how you can still communicate w/ ur works' partner when ur feeling still bad, how u can maintenance ur feeling, and maybe how u can still like no one problems came to ur life cause in ur bad time, u still have to laugh, u still have to feel happy, and pretend that everything is okay.

It's hard, really really hard.

But now, still really hard to imangine that a lot of struggles come to my past can make my family, my sister, my friends are believe in me.

When my family have to put their decision, they can not took w/o inviting me to their discussion what the problems really are, whereas in my past I haven't had ability to support on my family's budget. My sister, if she struggles with her school, her friends, even her crush, she cannot take her options without taking me to her problems. Same as my friends. I usually often took care of my friends' decision, problem, even sometimes they are suddenly send me a message without small talk first.

and same as me. sometimes, if I need them to be my side, I just send to them what I want, and I can share a lot of story about my problems and their problems too.

When I feel lonely, I just take my handphone and dial my family's number, my friends, my director. Though it didn't work, I just tend to my brain to think w/ positive direction, just to make me feel happy and I didn't feel that they're ignoring me.

Takes time, takes too much energy but if I didn't, that are the worst cases of my life.

Then again, u did so well Ca,

You finally came to actual journey.

A lot of pressure came to me but I still can't handle it. Some of my expectations aren't going well. So, what do I do? Just pretend that everything is ok?

You know, in 24th journey going to 25th, a lot of lessons coming to me, such as how my partner in my office managed when they are mad. Some of them are mad in silent, one of them mad and then give me a warning, and one of them give me a lot of words that hurting me so much but he didn't tell me something like rude words. But my friends? 😂 when they are mad, a lot of rude words come out from their mouth. Like wow, in that part, I know what the difference in each person w/ different education background, different circumstances, or different experiences. They know what the rude words are, they know the meaning, but simply, they just choosing whether they wanna pick that up and shouting or they don't want to shout to other people. Finally, I learn a lot.

Now I know that something happen just come to u, no matter what u did in your past, no matter how u treat your friends, no matter u are still trying to give ur ability to help other people on your circumstances, if something that bad happen, they just happened. Sometimes u did well & sometimes u failed.

But, for that moment, a lot of experiences comes to my life and I just aware that if something bad happen to me, I just search what makes me happy. Sometimes I found it sometimes I confused enough. I don't know but in my searching times, sometimes I know why I live.

There's one story that makes me interesting at my age turning 25-year-old.

When I told to someone that I believe, both in scope of work or personal, I told him that, "Don't go anywhere before I go first"

The first answer gave me shocking, ending w/ freezing.

I just can't believe what I just heard. I can't still imagine that there's one person that he won't me to let him go. I didn't know that I am so important to some people. I didn't know that I am needed. To talk, to make conversation, to see the reason, or to know what each other think without paying, without money around them. Just let it flow. Sometimes I know exactly what it is but sometimes I just forgetting what the meaning it was because no one remind me about that. That's why sometimes, he is important to me.

That's why the idea of my age going to 25th now.

Still trying to improve my abilities, my experiences, and my communications skills for helping people around me and I wish I could do that, because sometimes I feel selfish too. Just keep trying on my best w/o caring. I know that's wrong but I'm human too, if my friend around me now, he will say, 'don't keep that word to excuse your reason, just do it.'

He wouldn't know sometimes why I cry, but when I'm crying, he's always there. I don't know what the reason but I can't handle my tears when I ask him. First, I ask and then I cry. Dumb!

But yeah, there's my little bit experiences happened rencently, turning to 25. I am still what I am doing now, I am still there when u need me. So, keep in touch w/ me cause I don't know w/o a lot of people around me.

I wanna say, Thank you to Allah Swt, who always guiding me into who I am now, give a lot of people and then teach me something about life, happiness, madness, cries and lessons. W/o them, I thought I can't be what I wanna be and I can't be what I am now. So again, thank you for all over the world who supports me until now.